Here are a few saying that you might use:
Don't like my cooking? Lower your standards!
Over 40 and still cookin'!
Who are these kids and why do they expect me to feed them?
Will cook for sex.
Their name in large font - Cookin' up love since 1999 (year of your choice).
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out
Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines
This is a self cleaning kitchen . . . clean up after yourself !