Clippings by jenny_alabama

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RE: Can't Accept My Stepson (Follow-Up #14)

posted by: jenny_alabama on 01.30.2007 at 12:16 pm in Stepfamily Forum

My husband and I have been married for 4 years - dated 4 1/2 years before that. My husband has two sons (24 and 15) I have a daughter 11 who lives with us. My husbands ex is the devil herself so you can imagine how she raises her children. It has been a constant battle for my husband and his ex. He is the most wonderful man! His 24 year old is his - his 15 year old is not. His ex had an affair when he was in Desert Storm - got pregnant. My husband let her stay because of his first son being so small and not wanting to be away from him. He agreed to be a father to her new son only if she promised not to ever tell him that he was not his bio father and to never let the bio father in his "sons" life. She agreed and a couple of years later told my husband the other man was dead. They stayed married for total of 13 years, she continued to have affairs and my husband chose to ignore - just so he could stay with his boys. After we were married - things got really bad every other weekend. My stepson started stealing from me and my child (total of $400-$500) stole cd's and DVD's from our home and of course lied (till this day) about all of it...even though he was caught. The ex was calling our home all the time and making my husband miserable (my husband NEVER put their mom down). Then my husband found out she had his son in contact with his bio father (came back from dead) and he was seeing him and my stepson was calling him "dad". Things got even worse since then. The son denied all this to his father (even when my husband cried and begged him to tell him the truth). Things blew over in time and my husband chose to sweep under the rug. Then about 7 months ago, my SS threatened my daughter and me - poisoning and slitting of throat(looking me in the eye while holding a steak knife and said he could really do some damage-he was 14 at this time). Of course he denied this to my husband - but my husband knew I was not lying. Not to mention him shooting me a bird a couple of times. This was it for me...I set down with my husband and told him I was done. When I was so afraid that I had to sleep with my daughter when he came to visit - well that was just not fair to me and her. He told his son that until he would agree to get family counsiling with us and for himself - he could not come back. He was to apologize (genuinely) to me and my child. This all happened in June of 06 - he called once in August (thought everything had blown over) his mom had something to do but of course his apology was not sincere. Of course his moms remarks were "he is just a boy". Then 3 months later (she wanted to go out of town) he called and told me he was sorry. I told him that was a start but he can't wait until he is being MADE to come out and me think that was a genuine apology. We told him he could not come out but we could pick him up for lunch that weekend and talk- he refused. I love my husband so much and my daughter loves him like a father (she has her father in her life as well and her stepmom - we all get along). I do not feel guilty because I have tried for 4+ years with his children. At this point my husband continues to pay $700 a month (has NEVER missed a payment) - even though his bio father is obviously somewhere around. I know this young man is headed for prison, but his mother blames everyone else (so does the son) for his behavior. I do not know what else to do, we are a family with the three of us, my husband and I have not had an arguement in 7 months, since my SS has not visited. My SS would stand up in my face and yell at me, he would give me that "evil" eye when no one was looking then turn around when his dad entered the room and try and hug me and say "oh my stepmom" - I am not two-faced and eventually pushed him away and told him do not give me an evil look then turn around and act like you love me!! He is VERY sneaky and in all our eyes (including my husbands family). In the end I did not give my husband an ultimatum - I was going to leave and not come in between he and his son, because I could not imagine giving up my daughter (although my daughter is NOTING like that)but my husband did not want that - he finally admitted there was a BIG problem. His oldest son still lives with his mom - and there is little chance of a relationship between he and his father -unless he moves out. My husband has spoke with a lawyer about fighting child support-because he knows he is not being done right and his son has no desire to help work on the relationship...he believes that if he is having a "somewhat" relationship with his bio father then that is where the support should come from. My husband has put up with SO much from this situation and he has been deceived by his ex, his oldest son and his youngest son. This man should not go through anymore hell...but ex still continues to try.

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clipped on: 02.01.2007 at 12:18 pm    last updated on: 02.01.2007 at 12:18 pm